Time Travel on a Budget

We all know that time travel is real. After living on this planet a while you begin to see that things aren't exactly linear. This wibbly wobbly timey wimey view of the universe isn't a new concept. Legends of time travel date back to ancient times in the Hindu epic The Mahabharate when Kakudni and his daughter Revati travel through time and space to the court of the god Brahma.

Brilliant inventor Nicola Tesla and theoretician Albert Einstein also saw the validity of time travel. Einstein's theory of relativity is the closest thing we have to time travel. Essentially the theory works like this: if a man travels away from his twin nearly at the speed of light, upon his return (still traveling at the speed of light) his twin would have aged significantly more than he had. There's other science and stuff, but let's not get into that.

According to legend, both Tesla and Einstein were involved in a government project known as the Philadelphia Experiment on August 15, 1943. The goal of the experiment was to render the USS Eldritch invisible by wrapping large cables carrying a high frequency signal around the hull of the ship. However, all the planning and theorizing could not prepare them for the nightmarish results. When the coils were activated, a green fog emanated around the ship. The USS Eldritch, 176 man crew and all, vanished from the Philadelphia Harbor and reappeared in the Norfolk Harbor twenty four hours later. Many of the crew were "splinched," to borrow J.K. Rowling's phrase, appearing to have melted into parts of the ship as though their atoms had been scrambled.

Tesla died later that year in New York City. Most of his files were confiscated by the FBI. Some of Tesla's notes were published on the Internet under the Freedom of Information Act, but have since been taken down.

Since the Philadelphia Experiment, several others have claimed to have been a part of successful government experiments involving time travel. Let's hope that the sciencey stuff has improved since then. However, not all of us have massive generators, mad scientist skills or are randomly selected to be a part of a multimillion dollar government experiment. So, I'm going to shed a little light on how to time travel on a budget.

Time Travel on a Budget

1. Travel East! If you go far enough you'll be a day ahead of all your friends.

2. Buy Time Travel in a bottle! It's America, you can buy anything.

3. Don't set your clocks back/forward. Seriously, why do we do that anyway? Stupid Romans.

4. Participate in Time Traveler Day! It's totally a thing! On December 8th dress from a period in the past or future and act like you have no idea what is going on. If you're from the past, pretend to me scared of elevators or something. If you're from the future, mock the "puny human technology."

5. Photoshop your face onto old pictures from major events in history and freak everyone out. Lots of people have done it and then got published in the newspaper.

So there you have it, just because you aren't a Bruce Wayne kind of millionaire doesn't mean that you can't skip around in the dimensions of time and space. Safe travels!